Monday, 27 June 2011

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Gouthami Biography

MY LIFE-(its not actually a biography its just my life for the past 3 years)
It's amazing how much pain we can sit through in life and it can all be cured with something as simple as the beauty of nature.To the world i'm just a normal 12 year old girl who has it easy but if they could read into my mind and and read my thoughts i wonder how they would react.I wonder if they lived the past 3 years of my life if they would still have the strength or passion to live.The truth is my heart, my soul, my spirit they can never be healed and they will never be the same as before, they can never forget or ignore the things that have happend to them but why dwell on something you can't change.Why regret things you can't undo and why dread the future when you don't know what it holds.I don't know what will become of my life but i do know that i'm reponsible for the choices i make throughout it.I've learnt a lot about the world, the people in it and a lot about myselfin the past 3 years and i don't regret anything i've done.I'm glad i went through all of this at such a young age because i've become a better person because of it and yes i missed out on a lot of fun but all of this will stick with me till the day i die.3 years ago i was on cloud 9, i was in love but then i fell and the higher you are the harder you fall the harder you fall the harder it hurts.It took me awhile to figure out what was going on and even now i don't understand it but i had to get away from there.I had dug myself into this ditch and it took me 2 and a half years to get myself out of it and i had to do it all alone.When i took a break from my life, i started writing poetry at first it was a way to express myselfbut then i started getting lost im my own writing, i started forgetting about my life and i started fantasizeing about things that didn't exsist.I started living in a world of my own where it was just me, a book, a pencil and nature then i had to return to my life, I felt lost i felt like i was two different people.I started getting scared of myself, I felt like a stranger in my own body.I started thinking about death and life's miseries.I got lost in my dark thoughts, i lost sight of what was real and what was not.Every morning i would paint a smile on my face to hide the hurt and pain behind my sleepy brown eyes, throughout the day i would keep a straight face to hide the tears that were threatening to fall out and then at night i would shatter into pieces and cry myself to sleep.Getting out of that bubble i was stuck in wasn't easy and t still can't figure out how i got through it.That part of my life lasted for 2 months and those were the toughest 2 months of life.This all happend only about 3 weeks ago and in that period of time i had tried to kill myself and i didn't know why, i had pushed everyone away from me without even noticing it and the toughest of all i had lost faith in god.Everything that mattered to me, everthing i loved, everything i cared about i had lost in 2 months and i couldn't understand why or how.I'm still healing and trying to regain everything i lost but the pain will scar me for life.Who i am today is someone i'm proud of and this person wouldn't be the same if she hadn't gone through all of this.

Gouthami